Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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