I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
