Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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