i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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