So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he was CRYING into my vagina
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
