If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
