He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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