No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
