the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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