when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
