this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
