I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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