I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
