I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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