Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
