I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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