She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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