The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
