I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
