Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
