I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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