I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
