If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
