I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You are a genius and a whore.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
