Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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