Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
