Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
