You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I want to fling myself into the sun
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
