Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
