actually, I'm a sock model
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
