I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
