Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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