Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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