im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
