Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
