sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
