i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
