He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
