hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
