Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
