I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
