i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
