nut hugger
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
