I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
