if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just high enough for therapy.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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