I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
