My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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