we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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