loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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