Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
no you cant smoke seaweed
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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