i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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