Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
