If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
